Bono, the lead singer of the band, U2, is famous throughout the entertainment industry for being more than just a little self-righteous.

At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, he asked the audience for total quiet.

Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds.

Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

A voice with a broad Scottish accent from the front of the crowd pierced the quiet.....

"Well, foockin stop doin it then, ya evil b@stard !"

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Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die!
This is so priceless And so easy to see happening - customer service, being what it is today!

A lady died this past January, and MBNA bank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been EUR0.00, now is somewhere around ?60.00. A family member placed a call to the MBNA Bank:

Family Member:
'I am calling to tell you that she died in January.'

MBNA:
'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member:
Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'

MBNA:
'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'

Family Member:
So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'

MBNA:
'Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'

Family Member:
'Do you think God will be mad at her?'

MBNA:
'Excuse me?'

Family Member:
'Did you just get what I was telling you . . . the part about her being dead?'

MBNA:
'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'

Supervisor gets on the phone

Family Member:
'I'm calling to tell you, she died in January.'

MBNA:
'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member:
'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'

MBNA:
(Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'

Family Member:
'No, I'm her great nephew.'
(Lawyer info given)

MBNA:
'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'

Family Member:
'Sure.'
( fax number is given )

After they get the fax:

MBNA:
'Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.'

Family Member:
'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care.'

MBNA:
'Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.'

Family Member:
'Would you like her new billing address?'

MBNA:
'That might help.'

Family Member:
'Glasnevin Cemetry, Finglas Road, Dublin11, Ireland, Plot Number 1049.'

MBNA:
'Sir, that's a cemetery!'

Family Member:
'Well, what the **** do you do with dead people on your planet?'

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As it is

A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station, when he notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog and a cat.The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration.
"Thanks," says the little girl. Yet as the fire fighter looks a little closer, he notices the girl has tied the wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"Little partner," the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replies, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

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What do Katy French and a Eircom phone have in common?

They both go dead on a bad line!

Got this in a email and thought it is funny...

If Jeebus was born in Dublin..

Attached Files

Could not find phrase 'error_postcount_too_low_attachment'.

Awww isnt that a lovely scene
I dont think that there would be thousands of followers of that child. Well apart from the gardai and social services

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this is great , the first time i read this i nearly wet myself.....


>Sam had been in business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress.
>He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity
>as
>possible.
>Sam sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month.
>Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.
>
>After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his
>door.
>He opens it and there is a huge bearded man standing there.
>"Name's Lars, your neighbor 40 miles up the road...Having a Christmas Party
>Friday night...
>Thought you might like to come. About 5 pm.."
>
>"Great," says Sam. "After six months out here I'm ready to meet some local
>folks. Thank you."
>As Lars is leaving, he stops, "Gotta warn you...there's gonna be some
>drinkin."
>"Not a problem," says Sam, "After 25 years in the business, I can drink
>with
>the best of 'em."
>
>Again as he starts to leave, Lars stops. "More 'n likely gonna be some
>fightin' too."
>Sam says, "Well, I get along with people, I'll be alright. I'll be there.
>Thanks again."
>
>Once again Lars turns from the door. "More'n likely be some wild *** too."
>
>"Now that's really not a problem," says Sam, warming to the idea.
>"I've been alone for six months, I'll definitely be there." By the way,
>what
>should I wear?
>
>Lars stops in the door again and says, "Whatever you want. Just gonna be
>the
>two of us."

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Glad I am not living next to that guy

hehe, IM'd around the office :thumbs up:

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Two nuns and a mother superior are stranded in the desert, have been for three days. All they have on them is a bag of flour. Eventually they realise that they need to eat, and the only way to make food is to p*ss on the flour, and make dough, the heat of the sun, making it into bread. the first nun crouches over the flour and try as she might cannot squeeze out one drop of p*ss. the second nun believing that God will help her, squats over the flour, but again not a drop. The Mother Superior looks at them, "Only those with a true calling, a true belief, can summon the majesty of the Lord to help them in times of trouble, watch and learn". She squats over the flour, and pushes as hard as she can. Straining, she does a massive fart and blows the flour away, and the two nuns p*ss themselves laughing.

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