So how do you actually milk a cow?

I present these lessons in my spare time for those who'd like to attend...

How to Milk a Cow

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Difficulty: Moderately Easy

A pail, short stool, two hands and a very gentle milk cow are all you need to enjoy fresh milk every day. Once you start milking your cow, she will have to be milked twice a day every day until you let her dry up.
Instructions

• STEP 1: Milk at the same time daily.
• STEP 2: Sit on the same side of the cow each day. This will help your cow feel more comfortable - cows like routine.
• STEP 3: Place cow in a stanchion if this makes you feel more at ease. If your cow is an old hand at being milked, this probably won't be necessary. Ask the farmer you purchased her from what her routine was with the farmer.
• STEP 4: Place stool at a right angle to the cow and sit with your head resting on her flank.
• STEP 5: Wash udder with warm water and clean cloth.
• STEP 6: Place pail under teats.
• STEP 7: Take a teat into the palm of your hand.
• STEP 8: Squeeze teat at top with thumb and forefinger. Continue squeezing each finger around teat, forcing milk in a stream until all fingers are around teat.
• STEP 9: Release teat.
• STEP 10: Repeat until only a small amount of milk comes out and the udder is soft to the touch.

Tips & Warnings

• <LI class=tip>If you milk your cow regularly and maintain a good feeding program, your cow can give you milk for up to 10 months.
• Remember that even the nicest cow can kick, so always be aware of this. If you are nervous or too rough with her, this will cause problems.

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There are two rules in life:
Rule #1: There are no rules
Rule #2: Always obey rule number 1.

Obviously you come from a farm or something. from that tutorial it's clear that cows like repetition...

I use the same chat up line I use on women:

Got Milk?

Works every time. I recommend everyone tries it at least once.

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its easy. just keep pulling until the white creamy substance comes out.

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Don't argue with idiots, they bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Yes but you need to be gentle and stroke them the correct way.